The doctor will see you now

The doctors surgery, somewhere I regularly frequent, reminds me of wild animals round a watering hole somewhere in Africa. My visit today did nothing to change my mind. 

Firstly it must have been at least 30 degrees in there!. After only five minutes in there my hamster cheeks were red and I was seriously regretting wearing UGG boots. Why do they keep it so warm in there?. Don’t germs breed in heat?. Not only that but it doesn’t do anything to help the serious body odour problem you can often find in these sorts of communal places. 

So there I am sat there, slowly stripping off layers as time goes on, wondering how many layers I will be able to remove before it becomes indecent and security is called. Although the security guard (if we can call him that) can usually be found in a broom cupboard doing a crossword, so unless he had already solved 13 across I’m doubtful he would have done anything anyway. As I surveyed my surroundings I was somewhat comforted to see the standard types of people, waiting to see the doctor. 

There was of course the standard older couple, wearing matching pack a macs and moaning about the wait to see the doctor. They too can often be found surveying their surroundings and complaining about that too. If you listen hard enough you can hear comments such as “she came in after us and she’s going in first” ... “he will be too busy talking”, tutting every time the board beeps and it’s not their turn. I mean look Dorris love, while I am sure yours and Billy’s problems are serious, so are everyone else’s, so zip your lips and wait your turn. 

Just around the corner is the equally standard nosey Parker. Flicking through 20 year old magazines while eavesdropping on the conversations and phone calls taking place at the front desk. To be honest, said nosey Parker didn’t need to put too much effort in today. The receptionists were talking that loud I thought they were on loud speaker. 

In the 20 minutes I was in there I knew all about Ethel’s recent colonoscopy, Bruce’s repeat prescription and some poor mortified ladies cervical screening appointment. 

While I was chuckling to myself over all these regular proceedings  something out of the ordinary happened ... I got invited to someone’s house for a brew. ... well when I say I got invited what I mean is some lady sitting next to me saw an old friend and was inviting her for tea (rather loudly I might add), she even described what her house looked like, in case giving the address away wasn’t enough! ... it took all my inner strength not to say pipe down Susan,burglar Bob is sat round corner tapping your address into his stolen iPhone as we speak. Then the board beeped and it was my turn to descend on the doctor. 

I haven’t yet decided if I’m going to take Susan up on her offer yet. I didn’t hear her mention any sort of cake that would be served with this drink. Now had a homemade scone been offered, I would have been  outside her door before she even got home!.