Raising a teen: Part three

After all the stress of exams and the anxiety of waiting for results (mine not his, he was as cool as a cucumber, I, on the other hand, started turning grey) the teen is officially starting the next chapter of his life. He got the results he needed to get into college and will be enrolling this week!

He suddenly seems very grown up and I am not sure I like it.

On a positive note, he will be attending the college where I work. I am sure you can all imagine my excitement at this. The teen, however, would be more excited about a root canal than he is about being in the same building as me and his friends at the same time!

At the start of the summer he set a requirement that I don’t do anything embarrassing while he is at college. I thought this seemed fair and was a pretty easy rule to follow, after all I don’t think I am remotely embarrassing.

As summer progressed, however, the teen has produced a list of things he classes as embarrassing and that I am under no circumstances allowed to do.

Waving of any sort is a complete no go. A nod or small smile is acceptable, but a wave is a huge no.

Sitting with him at lunch is a bigger crime than robbing the Bank of England. To be honest, I am not sure why he thinks I would want to sit with a bunch of sweaty teenage boys discussing girls and games. Should I ever suddenly be overwhelmed with the urge to discuss Call of Duty (or any other such game) however, I know to restrain myself and avoid the teenagers table.  I can pretty much guarantee he wouldn’t object to me buying his lunch for him though!

This next one I think he and I both know I won’t be sticking to. I am not allowed to introduce him to the people I work with or point him out in crowds etc. Not a chance is that ever going to happen. I pointed him out to members of the college staff I hardly know when he came for his taster session! I have promised not to put his photo up on the staff room wall, that’s about as good as it is going to get for the lad.

I am required to refrain from asking him “mum” questions when his friends are about… so “what do you want for tea?” and “have you put deodorant on?” are not suitable questions for a college environment. I don’t know why I can’t ask him what he wants for tea? He would complain if I didn’t make any. Although, to be fair he complains when I make tea so it’s a lose lose situation.

Finally, there is to be no physical contact AT ALL. Hugs are no longer gratefully accepted. To be honest, I don’t think they have been for years! I don’t really hug him, only when I am trying to annoy him on purpose (worst parent ever). Don’t know why he thinks I am going to launch myself at him in the corridor and hug him, I would end up on register if I did that! I will, however, be keeping a solid three paces away from him always, even during conversations.

I never realised how “embarrassing” I am until this list was produced! I swear I was never embarrassed about the things my parents did, apart from last year when my mother fell over at Williams den and proceeded to lie on the floor while small children stepped over her!

The teenager has reassured me, however, that I am not as embarrassing as his Dad, who is a fan of beeping the horn and doing a thumbs up! Even I cringe at that!

Being the awesome parent, I am, I will do my very best to adhere to all the rules he has set. I might, however, rock up in my batman pjs one day just to see what his friends say!  #embarrassingandproud