New Year - Same me: Failed resolutions

Recently I have realised that New Year resolutions are just a set up for failure. We are ten days in to 2020 and I have already broken all of mine.  

I started out positive and prepared, deciding on my resolutions during the week in between Christmas and New Year so I wouldn’t be trying to think of them at the same time as playing twister on New Years Eve. There is nothing harder than trying to think of ways to better yourself while trying to put your left foot on red and avoid having someone's bollocks in your face at the same time. The only resolution you are going to think of is to never play twister again. Preparing early, however, was the first step in my downfall. While I was deciding on ways to better my life, I was in a chocolate and mince pie coma and had spent the past two days chilling in my PJs with no real concept of time or responsibilities. I am assuming the family survived on leftovers and selection boxes because I didn’t feed them and they all still appear to be alive. I have come to the conclusion that you cannot make serious decisions while binge watching Christmas movies and Hawaii 5.0.  

My first resolution was to become a calmer, more understanding person. Less shouting, more listening. It was all going well, until the 2nd of January then it all went tits up. By 2pm there was slime on my kitchen floor, slime on the girl child’s new hoody and a teenager that couldn’t decide what he wanted for tea. I could handle to tea situation but slimegate was just too much, coupled with the squabbling about whose fault it was,  tipped me over the edge. Que me pacing up and down my kitchen, ranting, reminding myself of my Dad and wondering how clearing up green slime from my stone tiles had become my life.   

My second resolution was to watch more educational, life enriching TV instead of binge-watching Hawaii 5.0. This resolution didn’t even make it out of the starting gate. By 3pm on News Years day Hawaii 5.0 was back on. I would like to blame my addiction on my epilepsy and the fact that it often makes concentrating difficult, with Hawaii 5.0 not requiring much concentration, but the truth is I just love hearing the phrase “book him Dano”.  

My third, and final, resolution was to be more organised at work. Just a little background information for you here, I am the least organised person in my staffroom. You would imagine that teachers have it together, have lesson plans and resources ready to go and at the very least have a pen!. I am not that type of teacher. Stationary seems to elude me and I never have a pen. I started out quite well with this one. I was on the ball. My sister bought me a teacher’s planner for Christmas and I purchased a nice pen that could clip onto my lanyard. I have to say my colleagues were somewhat surprised when I arrived with a pen and I am pretty sure they have taken bets as to how long it will be until I lose it. It was all going well until today. I arrived at work today, tired, hungry and without my pen! Thankfully, I found my pen in my handbag, then realised I had forgotten my laptop charger, a chart I had spent an eternity making at home and had no whiteboard marker. I think after over 30 years of chaos, trying to become organised is just too much of a challenge.  

I think next year I won’t bother wasting time making any resolutions, I will spend that precious time munching on mince pies and watching Hawaii 5.0 reruns instead.